{ a letter to menopause }

December 1, 2010 § Leave a comment

dear menopause,

you probably thought you wouldn’t be hearing from me for another 2o years but here i am and i have some requests. i get why you show up later in a woman’s life i mean she usually is happily married and her husband has no choice but to deal with the insanity. unfortunately my boyfriend still has a full head of hair and perfect eyesight so he still has the ability to escape and quite frankly the mood swings and the non stop sweating is not helping me. i like having a date on major holidays, i like not having to shave my legs and i like that as stupid as i might be he is obligated to find me charming, if you compromise this menopause i’m going to be pissed. i mean it’s not easy to explain to my younger boyfriend that i’m in the middle of a hot flash and thats why my head is in the freezer. it’s also not a pleasant sight coming home and seeing me hysterical crying at Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. i have worked hard to win him over, do you know how many tubs of ice cream that have gone uneaten because i wanted to entrap him. do not unravel my hard work if i have to date in this state i swear i will find you. have some compassion take it easy on me because when i’m in line at Starbucks in shorts and ordering an iced mocha in December people tend not to believe it’s hot flashes they just think i’m just crazy.

so in conclusion menopause i understand you probably get a bad rap and you are only doing your job but seriously ease the hell up because soon i won’t be menopausal but homicidal.

with love & sweat, michelle one of your latest and youngest members

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