{ the rant }

December 11, 2010 § 3 Comments

When you are thrust into surgical menopause there are two things the doctors(especially if they are male) will not tell you(1) Surgical Menopause is 100 times more intense than regular menopause-your body literally is thrust into this hormonal freak show. Can you imagine your body goes to sleep a 29 year old and wakes up thinking it’s in it’s 50’s, it’s like a Lifetime movie but without Tori Spelling. Your body is confused probably trying to retrace their steps and wondering how many drinks they had, seriously where the hell did those 20 years go. (2) Hormone replacement takes at least 2 months to work fully-So for two months your emotions & body will be on a roller coaster. You will be laughing one minute and crying the next. You will be so angry that you want to rip your partners head off and then eat Oreo’s over his body. It’s like PMS on steroids. Literally my boyfriend walks home and peeks around the door-he doesn’t know if I’m going to kiss him or beat him up.

Because you are an unstable powder keg of hormones you will eventually blow up. You will have what I like to call THE RANT. It’s not a matter of if it’s a matter of when and when it happens make sure your significant other has riot gear on and hopefully understands that some alien force has taken over your body and you are not in control. Luckily my boyfriend sat through the rant very quietly and a bit terror stricken. Men, here’s the best advice I can give you treat this rant the same way they dealt with The T-Rex in Jurassic Park we can sense movement so stay perfectly still, let us roar and you have a 50/50 chance of making it off the island(having chocolate greatly increases your survival rate while asking “is it the hormones” greatly reduces it) I think the rant is also proportional to the age so the younger you are the worse it will be. So what is the rant well my was kind of like this and I assume yours will be similar: “I hate MEN, all MEN, thats right I’m looking at you buddy. You know what we get blamed for everything Adam eats the damn apple and poor Eve get’s blamed and isn’t that just typical. I mean you’ve wrecked the world, you have wars all over the damn place, you ruined the environment and why, because you had nothing better to do. If you had PMS, menopause, gave birth, had to have mammograms & pap smears you would be too damn busy to cause those kind of problems. The doctors are in on it too, if a man had menopause they would have figured out how to fix it, I mean they can get a 80 year old to have an erection but they can’t fix hot flashes. And the worst part of this whole thing you will never know what I am going through because lucky you, you will never have to go through this but guess what I might be hot as hell but I’m going to put you through hell. I can’t stand to look at your stupid man face anymore” So maybe not word for word but I’m sure you get the point.


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§ 3 Responses to { the rant }

  • Mr. Kelly D. says:

    I would like to ask what do I do when my wife reads your post and freeks the hell out and starts worring if I am going to leave her “WHEN” she freeks out, Now she is not only worried about getting the sergery, but she is worried about what will happen after, Will I still love her, are her friends going to understand, will my family think her a horrible person because she is freeking out.

    I have stood by this woman and she has stood beside me for the last 7yrs. I have had a stroke lost two and a third fingers had sergery on my shoulder I have degenerative disk disorder in my L4-L5 coupled with arthritis, Oh and I’m only 36… she is 37 and has many issues I am not at liberty to post but we have been through alot… How do I keep her from freeking now I’m not worried about later.

  • littletoad1 says:

    Well first I say thank you for being a good guy and asking what you can do. I know my boyfriend wishes he had some help before this. Is there anything you can do from making her feel this way probably not but her feeling this way is normal and is nothing against you and her life. It’s a very scary thing to be facing and the thing we’re most worried about is that you will see us differently. I would say the best things you can do is (1) let her freak out. the worst thing you can say is hey you shouldn’t feel that way let her feel what she’s feeling and just let her get it out. (2) one of the greatest thing you can ever say is “i will never understand what you are going through but I am so proud of you”
    Unfortunately (and I hate to get preachy) but society tends to frown upon this surgery and so much of a womans identity is wrapped up in these organs and it’s hard for women to get over this but I assure you (and her) It’s not that bad on the other side Sure you will have bad days but you’ll have great days too and soon you won’t be focusing on the loss but more of the gain
    Good luck to you both and I hope I have helped Would love to hear any further comments

  • Lani says:

    To Mr. Kelly D – I feel for you. I am a good friend of littletoad, and watching her go through this has been a stressful process for those who care about her, so you and your wife will both be facing some challenges. Show her love and acceptance, and do what you can to support her. Littletoad’s advice is spot-on, given my own health issues, it’s really refreshing for someone to just say “Hey. You are doing amazing, and this too shall pass. I’ll still be here when it does.”
    Best of luck, it’s not all bad. I’ve seen my good friend go from very very sick to recovering, and that alone is wonderful. I hope you have the opportunity to see your wife recover as well.

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