{ yes Virgina, there is a menopause }

December 24, 2010 § Leave a comment

On this holiday season most people would think i would compare a menopausal woman to the Grinch*(read footnote) but no I’m going to compare myself to Santa Clause. What do I have in common with the guy in the big red suit?

  1. We both eat any cookie that is left out (hell it doesn’t even have to be a cookie no sweats are safe)
  2. He tries to figure out how he will fit down a chimney: I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to fit in my holiday dress
  3. His belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly: yep pretty much the same thing here without the jolly part
  4. He is expected to get about 100 things done in one night: ditto
  5. Some people don’t belive he exists: There are quite many people( let’s be honest men) that believe menopause is a state of mind rather than a physical condition. To all these people who think this I would like to kick you in a senstive area and then tell you it’s all a state of mind.
  6. Trouble remembering which house is which: Since menopause I swear to god I have no memory and I’m lucky I find my house everyday (but my boyfriend still makes me leave the house with my name and address pinned to teh inside of my coat)
  7. Likes a cold climate: Hot flashes & night sweats, the north pole looks pretty damn inviting right about now.
  8. Is awake all night: Ah yes menopausal insomnia at least he has something to do I just watch old Murphy Brown reruns.
  9. Has a big bushy beard: Ok I don’t have a beard but you never know with those damn hormones.
  10. and the final thing….. No matter how much each of us do will be under appreciated this holiday season.

* People always assume the Grinch was a man but after recent events and when I watched it again I really believe the Grinch was a menopausal woman. Think about, it they leave Whoville just to get some peace, quite and a good night’s sleep (because lets face it they were noisy little bastards), they still Christmas because they didn’t have time to shop for Christmas because of there recovery, they choose the icy mountain MT. Krumpet, bastardly hot flashes and in the end when they get superhuman strength and lift the sleigh, that was just the hormone replacement kicking in.

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