{ if men experienced menopause }

March 1, 2011 § Leave a comment

Gloria Steinem wrote a hilarious article called “If Men Could Menstruate*” about how periods would be received differently if it was the man who had to go through with it. I was inspired reading it again last night so I’m doing my own take on it.

  • All menopausal products would be in hip, bright packaging & endorsed by famous sports figures, that they would proudly place in their shopping carts. They would also be on sale all the time and probably get a tax write off.
  • When a man suddenly starts crying he would get comforting looks “Oh man look how brave that man is”
  • Menopause would count as a sick day and you would get paid time off while you were dealing with the adjustment.
  • Men would probably actually loose weight.
  • They would be convinced that menopause has actually made their penis bigger.
  • Once they hit menopausal age they would not feel old just the opposite that would think that this made them more masculine so they would be on the lookout for new exciting women.
  • They would high five their friends when they were experiencing a hot flash.
  • The first instance of rapid heartbeat and their doctor would put them on instant bed rest.
  • After much research they would find out that beer actually decreases headaches and lower back pain.
  • There would be a Menopause Marathon: Walk for a Cure, held yearly and would raise millions.
  • There would also be a televised telethon, airing on all major networks, hosted by Billy Crystal with Brad Pitt & George Clooney on the phones.
  • There would be little blue pills that made all symptoms non existent, especially lose of libido, they would actually combine it with Viagra so they would only have to take one pill a day.
  • Any prescription to deal with menopause would be 100% covered by all insurance.
  • Menopause would have it’s own month. “May is Menopause Awareness Month” and they would put out calendars called “Hormonal Hunks” to raise money
  • You would never hear the phrase “It’s all in your head”
  • Menopause would not be called the change of life but the time of your life. It would have a fashionable name like “Masculine Maturity”
  • It would become the ultimate pickup line “Hey baby, your so hot and I thought my menopause gave me hot flashes”
  • There would be special public bathrooms lined with cold clothes, heating pads, Tylenol, tissues and free chocolate
  • Therapy would be mandatory, free and would be offered after hours so you wouldn’t have to take time off of work ( not that your boss would care if you did )

But although these points are true the sad fact is that is men experienced menopause they would have already found a cure.

Also a huge thanks to my boyfriend for letting me use his picture for this pots (well actually he didn’t know what the post was about )

*Read the great, hilarious article here: http://www.mylittleredbook.net/imcm_orig.pdf

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