{ my 10 minutes of crazy }

March 28, 2011 § 3 Comments

Yesterday I was at my desk and suddenly felt cramping in my stomach area, the first thought that pops into my head “Oh it’s just my period” A few moments pass before I realize “Oh shit I forgot I don’t have a frickin’ uterus anymore” Yes there will come a time when you actually forget you had a hysterectomy (the sad thing about that is that you having a hysterectomy is the cause of your forgetfullness).

Enter the crazy, yes folks this is actually what was going on inside my head: Well if I’m not having my period why am I having period cramps? Those lying bastards they didn’t take out my uterus they just wanted to collect the insurance money. They must have given me a shot of the 6 month birth control pill therefore stopping my period and tricking me into thinking I was menopausal. Or what if something is wrong like they left a clamp in there ( after this no more Dateline for me) and it is slowly spreading infection. But the up side to that is I could sue and quit my job, hmmmm maybe a rogue medical instrument isn’t that bad.

Then I start questioning my doctor. I mean he looked normal but he could have been one of those doctors who fake there medical licenses and sell organs on the black market (and no more CSI & Criminal minds, either) Come to think of it I saw him talking with a guy in a windowless van before my surgery but that was probably the drugs because I also saw a panda in roller skates.

Oh god what if I am pregnant my body actually found a way to support life after the surgery. It happened on Jurassic Park “life will find a way” maybe this is my punishment for picking on every baby shower I go to and saying “Not me suckers”. I will be one of those medical freaks that have to move to a special lab to be studied because the sheer feat defies all medical explanation. Not to mention if my child found a way to survive with no uterus or ovaries I don’t know if I really want Damon hanging around my house.

Another stomach cramp and then I remember I had  whole box full of Chips Ahoy cookies, a iced mocha and a slice of pizza for lunch. Sigh,  well I guess that is a bit more plausible explanation.


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