{ it’s my birthday or how 30 is the new leprosy }

May 19, 2011 § 2 Comments

Today is my birthday, I am officially 30 years old. Not only am I now a 30-year-old woman but I am a menopausal 30-year-old woman. Now I’m not usually the kind of person who is concerned with getting older but there is something terrifying about the word 30. First I don’t feel 30, I don’t look 30 I still have cartoons on my glass ware( and that’s the kind we offer to company, that is no 30-year-old behavior) 30-year-old women have 401k’s, good china and they have matching throw pillows I however barely have matching socks.

It’s not so much how I feel about turning 30 but it’s everyone else’s perception about the age. You watch commercials and its anti-aging cream for women over 30 and look at the magazine covers they read “how to stay sexy over 30”. I went to Target to look at the birthday cards and this is what I saw: the birthday cards for 29 year olds were these stylish women drinking cocktails laughing in hip outfits, really neat patterns & phrases like “Have a birthday as stylish as you are” or “Here’s hoping your birthday is as fun and interesting as you are” but then you look right next to them and you know what you see on the 30 birthday cards? Grim Reapers and pictures of grandma’s. I shit you not. In the span of a year you go from a stylish interesting woman to a blue haired women in a walker. Last year I was wearing daisy dukes now I am Driving Miss Daisy. I even saw on one card a picture of a clock with legs that said “Your biological clock is ticking” who the hell gives these cards?

It’s also the way people (especially women) react when you tell them you are turning thirty. I have gotten such responses as “Oh, I’m sorry”, “Are you ok?”, “How are you handling it?” My family took me out to dinner and this lovely waitress came over to our table and my family told her that I was celebrating my 30th birthday and the waitress leaned over me, put her hand on my shoulder and asked “oh, how are you doing? are you ok with that?’ I swear I have gotten more pity looks in the last week than I did when I had my hysterectomy. Plus women love to tell you their birthday horror stories like ” I spent my 30th eating a pan of brownies and crying over my high school yearbook” I have actually have had people tell me I shouldn’t be alone that day. I swear I feel like I should go to a random funeral just for some more cheerful conversation.

Yesterday I was in a happy fulfilling relationship now people are saying “hey when are you getting married I mean you are 30 now, You don’t want to be one of those “old” brides”. Yes I can’t imagine how I will make it down the aisle I mean with my hip replacement and all and but I’m probably so close to being senile that it won’t even matter because I could be marrying a camel and no one would notice.

Men will never understand this because it’s totally different for them, a man turns 30 and people say “oh, you’re so young, you have your whole life ahead of you” and “there’s plenty of time to get married, have fun” With my hormones mixed with this day I say SCREW YOU very much. They are loosing their hair, can barely fit into sweat pants and consider cheese whiz dairy and they are the ones who are youthful and full of promise, typical.

Now,  I don’t mean to get biblical for my last statement on the subject but when you are feeling down about THE BIG 30 just remember this lesser known teaching in the Bible: Even Jesus walked with prostitutes, washed feet of the lepers and broke bread with ladies that had just turned 30 and got an Over the Hill” Hallmark card.


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§ 2 Responses to { it’s my birthday or how 30 is the new leprosy }

  • Dani says:

    Amen Sister! I can totally feel you on this one!
    The biblical statement made me fall on the floor laughing!

  • Bahee says:

    I know how you feel! I’m on the downhill slope to the big 3-0! I keep wondering when I’m going to feel like a grown up!

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