{ how menopause was really how The Salem Witch Trials started }

June 10, 2011 § Leave a comment

One day in the fields there were two woman chatting & the conversation went something like this: “Congratulations on your recent marriage Ester”  Thank you very much, I am very happy indeed. And how about you when are you and Edward getting married you’ve been courting now for almost a month plus you turn 16 next month, it’s time to start settling down. “Well actually we were planning on in moving in with one another first, see how that works and then go from there” WHAT, live as man and woman but not husband as wife but the children will be born  out-of-wedlock and that is sin. “You know I’ve been watching some of the neighborhood kids running around and that Proctor kid seems like a pain in the ass, I’m don’t think motherhood is for me. I’m pretty happy with my black cat” A woman without children what will you do. You will be considered barren and an old maid “I thought I could focus on my career, I really like gardening maybe set up an organic restaurant to cater to all the tourists” The woman doing the job of a man and earning money, what will your husband think “I’m sure he’ll be cool with it I mean he like his job but he’s really focused on making it big in the music industry so he practices with his band “The Crucible” at night’s Plus we are saving up for a new butter churner so he’ll welcome the extra cash”

Next day at the town hall female sewing circle.

“So I have news” Ah splendid, who is getting married or expecting “No not that news, news that could shake our community to the very core. I was talking to Francis the other day and she said some shocking things, things that must have come from the devil” Oh my goodness like what? “She said she doesn’t want to get married and that they are going to wait to get to know each other” *collective gasp* “And what’s worse she doesn’t think she wants children and plans on working” NO!! a woman faints “This can not happen then other women will start getting these ideas and it will spread we must contain this.” I agree, I didn’t want to marry Josiah he’s a pain in my cummerbund, he’s always leaving the out house door open and trying to put the two beds together when I have a headache, if I have to suffer so does every other woman in this village. “But I mean that doesn’t sound horrible I mean I wouldn’t mind working, I having been making my own quilt patterns and think they would sell very well, plus have you seen the single men in this village slim pickings if you ask me. I kind of want to travel and see what’s out there.” Me too, I heard they were some hunks down at Plymouth Rock” “I’ve always wanted to take some time and write my novel” What! Who will look after the children? “My  husband can” See it is the work of the devil and it’s already spreading. 

Needless to say they all started to turn on one another, the men were terrified that now that they would actually have to compete for woman and that would mean some sort of grooming and they couldn’t have that. So they did what every wise community does and consults the town elder unfortunately she was menopausal and having a horrible hot flash at the time, that sealed the deal. Believing that she was experiencing heat from hell and being controlled by the devil (which any menopausal woman would kind of agree with). One of the towns men responded “Your possessed by the devil you crazy bitch” which over time turned into “you’re a witch” and from there The Salem Witch Trials Began.

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