{ shouldn’t you buy me flowers first? }

March 17, 2012 § Leave a comment

A day before my consultation with the surgical oncologist  I got a call from one of the people in her office just to make sure I was prepared and if I had any questions on what to bring. Should be a fairly uneventful conversation, right? So I have no idea when the conversation took a weird unexpected turn:

“Hello Michelle I am calling on behalf of Dr. What’s Her Name to just briefly go over what to expect from your appointment tomorrow.” Great, thank you. “So you should arrive 15 minutes early and make sure you bring the forms we sent you. You have filled out the forms we sent you right?” Of course, I filled them out the day I got them (shit I’ve got to fill out those forms, double shit I have to find where I put those forms) “Wonderful. You would be surprised by how many people leave them to the last minute” Really, you don’t say (Seriously where the hell did I put those damn forms) “You will be meeting with the nurse to go over your medical history and then you will have an exam with the doctor, any questions so far?” (Um yeah what happens if you loose your forms.) Um, No questions. ” As for clothing it’s really important that you wear something that you can easily get over your head. The easier the garment can me removed the better” So what I usually wear on dates, Got it. “We prefer a bra that can you can snap on & off fairly quickly” (Ok now you sound like my boyfriend.) “Unlike the mammography office we would prefer you wear deodorant and please make sure all hair in and around the area is shaved” (Ok seriously I don’t take this long on anniversaries to get ready. That is a lot to ask for someone I haven’t even met yet. I usually like to be wooed a little. You have to earn shaved armpits and an easy access bra.) “Depending on where the mass is the doctor might require you contort your upper body so prepared to be a little sore the next day. And I think that’s it, Any questions?” (Did I accidentally make my appointment with a brothel?)

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