4 of my weirdest theories

January 12, 2013 § Leave a comment

Anyone who knows me knows that over the years I have had my fair share of weird (some would say idiotic) theories. Now before you stop reading, these are not goverment conspiracy theories and have no real value what so ever. However I think I’m on to something with these (however my friends may tend to disagree with me & are probably embarrassed that I’m still holding on to them & that they are now in writing). These are the 4 ones I hold most dear.

1) Celebrity Impostors

I have believed for many years that the following two celebrities are the same people. I haven’t figured out why they would want to dress in drag and pose as the other person but I can’t have all the answers can I? How more people have not uncovered this is beyond me. Howard Stern and Annie Leibovitz are really the same person as are Quentin Tarantino and Uma Thurman. Don’t believe me look at these pictures.

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2) Keanu Reeves is the greatest actor of our time

Maybe you could say this is more of an opinion but I say no, this is a fact. What other actor has traveled through time, been a doctor, coached an inner city baseball team, was the son of the devil but defeated his plans for armageddon, fought demons, was an alien who saved the entire human race, defeated the grim reaper in Twister, has a time traveling mailbox with Sandra frickin’ Bullock on the other end, was a cop surfer, stopped a speeding bus and of course he delivered us from The Matrix. He has been robbed of his Oscar long enough.

3) George Bush’s speech writers tried to help him out but failed

I know I said nothing political but this really has nothing to do with his politics. This is something that can bring both right & left together (see I’m single handily solving the division in Washington) Do you remember when George Bush would give a speech and he would tell you the definition of the words while he was saying them? And these were common words I mean no one was wondering what they meant. Example “We must never surrender, that means we will never give in to the enemy” and “We need to unify, that means work together” Well my theory is that the speech writers wrote the definition’s in his teleprompter so he would know what he was saying but never intended for him to read them. Seriously can’t you see this as a SNL sketch?

and my favorite 4) Independence Day is the sequel to ET

Think about it. I believe ET was a spy sent here to gather all of our secrets & weaknesses. They dressed him up in a baby alien suit because they knew Earthlings would take pity on him & think he was harmless. You can’t convince me that they have the technology to fly across galaxies and can convert a speak n spell to a friggin iphone but some how he got lost.   We let him get back on the ship and 10 years later Independence Day happened. How did they know where all our major landmarks were and where to hit us? That little bastard Elliot thats how.

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