You can buy a gun at WalMart but it takes me 20 minutes to buy Sudafed

January 17, 2013 § 2 Comments

ImageOne of the side effects of surgical menopause is that you have absolutely no immunity. None. If you see a sick person on TV you will be sick in two days. So it being flu season it is no surprise that I have a bitch of a sinus infection. However it is surprising that’s it’s easier to buy a gun at WalMart than it is to get Sudafed. This is not an anti or pro gun post. I think everyone can agree that we are more safe with me not having a gun. I once thought my neighbor was the Zodiac killer so it’s better that I remain unarmed. 

Right now I could go into WalMart get a gun, I can buy 20 cartons of cigarettes, I can buy 32 bottles of vodka and I can even buy all the porn I want. But this is what happened at my local drug store. So let me set the scene for you: I look like death warmed over. I have on penguin pajama’s, and kleenex stuffed into my shirt sleeves. For those of you who don’t know me I am also 5’0 and have a huge mess of red hair. Basically I look like a unsexy, untalented version of Adele. Obviously I am running a meth lab( I can’t figure out how to make brownies let alone meth). I go to the pharmacist and take him the little card of what I want and he looks at me like he has just spotted one of “America’s Most Wanted”. He asks to see my license and literally looks at me, back at the license, looks at me, back at the license and must do this 5 more times (I am lucky this guy was never at the door of the bars I used to get into in college) He then takes my license and tells me to take a seat. So there I am sitting in my penguin pajama’s and blowing my nose. I look like a homeless woman who has wandered in to escape the cold. 

After 20 minutes (this is not an exaggeration) he calls me up to the counter and asks me these series of questions “Are you buying these for you?”,”Have you purchased these in the past 6 months”, “Do you go to any other pharmacies?”, “Do you ever watch “Breaking Bad”?(Ok he didn’t ask me that but he might as well have) So after looking very suspiciously at me he turns his back to me, takes a key from around his neck and unlocks and huge metal box. Again I can pick up a gun and carry it through the store while I buy Kathy Ireland underwear but cold medicine is kept in Fort Knox. I am finally allowed to have my pack of Sudafed . The price tage $2.19. Seriously all that for something that costs less than a Milky Way. So I leave the store with my medicine clutched under my arm like Gollum & the ring( to be fair I think the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy was shorter than my ordeal. I secretly think that was what the whole journey was for. Frodo had a cold and he had to find a pharmacy that would give him a decongestant ).

I have my medicine but every once in a while I look down at them and mutter “My precious”

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