January 13, 2013 § 2 Comments
I am not ashamed, My name is Michelle and I am addicted to Hallmark movies. I can’t help it, I love them. I cry at the movies and even the Hallmark commercials (I mean seriously she gives her grumpy teacher a Hallmark card & he smiles and asks her what she became and she says “A teacher just like you” I dare you not to tear up). They feed my addiction because they have a whole channel just for Hallmark movies. So if I want to cry for 24 hours straight I now have the perfect excuse. Here are my most popular life lessons from Hallmark.
1) There are only 6 acceptable professions for men. A fisherman, a sheriff, a lawyer (who will eventually give up their practice for the simple life -more on this later), coffee shop owner, architect or works in advertising (these two are inner changeable) and “the local guy” (no one knows what his job is but he drives a pickup truck, owns a dog and often seen wandering the streets doing good deeds).
2) There are only 6 acceptable professions for women. A waitress, owner of a cupcake shop or bakery, working in a bookstore, quirky artist (oh yeah I could be in a Hallmark movie), inn keeper and random local that no matter where she goes people know her & her entire life story.
3) When life gets tough your car will break down in the exact place you are supposed to spend the rest of your life. As an added bonus the mechanic (also the local priest or doctor) who finds your broken down car is the single nicest person in the world. They don’t have the part your car needs but don’t worry they won’t charge you for it.
4) When they want to show a “rough neighborhood” in a Hallmark movie they will show a person smoking in the back. Seriously thats as bad as it gets in the Hallmark world.
5) If you see a sheriff just know you will end up marrying him. He probably also just lost his wife in a car accident and there is a 50/50 chance that he is a single father.
6) Anyone who has a high powered, successful career in the city will eventually realize the benefits of moving back to their hometown and live the simple life.
7) Aunts & Uncles beware because your sister/brother is going to die and you will be given custody of their children. You will not be a great parent in the beginning but no fear you’ll eventually realize the joy of parenthood. 50/50 chance the kid will be mute. (also be prepared to only know you are the sole guardian when talking to the family lawyer, these things are never discussed before hand)
8) If your getting married don’t get too attached to the groom because he’s wrong for you. You’ll either meet your soul mate planning the wedding or your ex will be coming back into your life. You will realize he’s not the right guy when you look at him and he will be on his phone (you’ll only realize this is annoying in your hometown)
9) No matter what you do you can just leave work for a boat ride or a hike in the woods with the stranger that just came to town. You’ll talk about your life story and probably cry about your dead mother/father/sister/dog.
10) Everyone dies on Christmas eve.