{ tea for one }

February 5, 2011 § Leave a comment

After researching the after effects of a hysterectomy and surgical menopause one of the fun things they never tell you is that your immunity is basically non existent so for the next 6 months you are basically one giant germ sponge. Not only are you basically a serving buffet for all the germs in the universe but the average cold will double in duration, so I am writing this still as a giant snot monster.

The other issue is medication, normally with a cold you snort some Afrin, take some Sudafed and you are out like a light & feeling better in no time. Unfortunately I have learned the hormones I am on mixed with my other medication makes talking cold medicine highly risky(however if this cold gets any nastier I might take the chance of sprouting a tail or whatever else might happen).

My alternative is natural cold remedies which is code for tea, a shit load of tea, but not the good tea the “herbal tea”. The kind I bought had a grinning Indian Man on it so it must be good. I get it home and it literally smells like a bag of lawn clippings and I must say it doesn’t taste that much different. The visual I get is that the Indian man went outside decided that his lawn was unruly and started weeding. When he was finished he decided “Hey I can put all this shit in a tea”  Don’t believe me I swear I just got a piece of twig in my last sip.

But I sit hear none the less drinking my lawn tea, watching a Lifetime movie(don’t judge me) and waiting for my boyfriend to bring me back lunch. Come to think of it he’s been gone for a long time, Oh crap maybe he finally escaped. Naaah, if he stuck around after the hysterectomy nothing should scare him off, right?


{ germ carrier }

February 1, 2011 § 2 Comments

My boyfriend was out of town for a week and upon his return he brought me a present. Was it a new book? No. Was it a pretty new scarf? No. Was it even those little shampoo’s from the hotel? No. So what did my boyfriend just have to bring back with him? Germs and lots of them. He brought me back a friggin’ cold.

Now he claims that it wasn’t him who infected me but since he is saying this while stuffing Kleenex in his pockets I don’t believe him. Thinking he was being funny he said “Maybe it was your other boyfriend that got you sick while I was away,Ha,Ha” (For all the men out there be careful when you are trying to be funny when your lady is going through menopause but really don’t try and be funny when she is menopausal &  sick) Yes thats exactly what I did, as sick as I am I must have had an affair with the monkey from “Outbreak”.

The funny thing about my current state (mind you I am typing this with tissues stuffed up my nose, needless to say I am one pretty sexy lady, even my cat is running in fear of me) is that I didn’t even know I was getting sick. I have been feeling tired and warm for a few days but frankly since my surgery I always feel like I have a temperature & am always about to fall asleep so no warning flags really popped up. Until I woke up with one eye crusted shut and I thought to myself, well this a weird, new menopause symptom.

So I jump onto WebMD trying to type with only one eye, after reading nothing I call my doctor. “Well it sounds like you might just have a bad cold or sinus infection” his nurse tells me “That’s impossible I can’t have menopause and be sick that’s just not fair. It should be against the laws of nature, I mean aren’t I suffering enough?” She just laughs, “Sorry it doesn’t work that way” “Well it damn well should” I think as I hang up the phone.

Great not only am I a menopausal swamp monster but now I am a snot monster as well. So, now I have to add Vitamin C with my Vitamin E, my estrogen with a zinc lozenge and replace my sleep aid-Renew with friggin’ Thera-Flu.

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