{ crash into me part 1 }

March 3, 2011 § Leave a comment

It was bound to happen, I haven’t seen the inside of a hospital in over 3 months (which for me is some kind of record) so it was really no suprise when I got to visit it again this Friday. But it wasn’t due to any hysterctomy, hormone or womanly issues (also a record), no the reason I was there had to do with a man. A man who literally plowed into the back of my vehicle while my car was stuck in snow. To add some extra fun it was off the highway so he was doing about 35-40 (in a blizzard mind you) needless to say in the war against my little car and his 13 year old gremlin, I lost.

He knocks on my window as I’m draped over the steering wheel and starts yelling at me. Yes you heard me right this guys yells at me for being stuck and in his very important way. One of my favorite lines was “Why the hell did you stop?” It’s early, I’m not only extremly hormonal,I’m in pain and the accident triggered a hot flash so I’m hot as hell too. If I hadn’t been dizzy & worried I was going to pass out I would have summoned my menopausal superhuman strength and hurt that little man (no jury would convict me either)

I manage to drive myself the half mile to work and start feeling not only the normal effects of a car accident but severe stomach pain. Great I swear to god if I need another surgery because of that douche bag, I quit. Fast forward to me calling my doctor and explaining what happened and him basically yelling at me to go directly to the emergency room. Even though it has been 3 months since my surgery I am technically still in recovery so any injury has to be checked out. So emergency room here I come.

My adventures at the ER will be posted in Part 2 tomorrow!

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{ the waiting room aka the first circle of hell }

February 22, 2011 § Leave a comment

Dante describes the first circle of hell as waiting in limbo, obviously Dante had spent some time with is wife in gynecologists waiting rooms.

After your hysterectomy you will have a weekly follow up visit with your doctor, this is probably the first time you have left the house since the surgery so be prepared to be blinded by the light as you make your way outside (small children & dogs might run away from you). The other thing to consider is you are going to be encountering actual people so you must let go off your Spongebob jammies (they will be home waiting for you, I promise)

First off, my doctors office is on the third floor and there is no elevator which I never noticed before but being as I haven’t walked more than from the couch to the refrigator, I now am insainlypissed. These women have just had surgery, going through menopause and for fun we’ll make them climb steep ass metal stairs (typical male doctor). When you finally make it up Everest you enter the office and the receptionist gives you a smile (she really is congratualting you that you didn’t die on your way in or should I say up). My mom gets my paperwork as I collapse & look for a magazine “Why do these all have Sally Field on the cover?” Then I look to my left and then to my right,  I am the youngest person in here by 30 years. One woman actully has a walker and oxygen tank (which I’m convinced they gave her after taking the stairs)

I pull out my Chelsea Handler book while getting weird looks from the other women, especially at my shoes. They all are glaring at my polka dot heels, apprently I did get the memo to wear orthopedic shoes.  The nurse calls my name and I get up but she stops me and says “Oh sorry hun no family, but you can wait for your mother out here”

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